Koko (6/1/95 to 11/13/07) He was only 12.

Please don’t say you’re sorry. The words would ring hollow. I know he is a dog. I will always remember the good times we had. I will always think of what a star he was. I will always remember this tall, handsome and elegant gentleman that he was. I will always see his smiling face and naughty look. I know he had a most wonderful life like a prince. I remember when he was six-months old. He jumped into my lap when another dog was charging. He was never put to the test to save my life but I know he would have. All day I think of the four Chinese words “Etched in the bone and branded on the heart”.

You have no idea how much we love each other. The love is pure and simple. The love is unconditional. The love is absolute. I truly would give my life if he could live a quality life. Nobody ever loved me the way he did. We were inseparable.

Two or three nights ago he nudged me hard with his cold nose to wake me up. I thought it was six or seven when he would get me up for breakfast as usual. I looked at the clock and it was only three so I opened the door for him thinking he needed to go outside. I went back to sleep and he was quiet. Sunday we went swimming at Kalapaki Bay. People always came over to talk to us and praised him. They always found it amusing when I pushed him around with floats when he didn’t swim anymore and still enjoyed the ocean. He would get to stretch his old bones and get a flea bath (but he had no fleas!) and I would get my water aerobic exercise. Monday afternoon we walked around the Coconut Market Place. He had a Vanilla ice cream and I had the Heavenly Hana flavor. Afterwards he went to the bathroom and everything seemed normal. I thought he was wobbly and a little stiff looking.

Yesterday was the 13th. The word heavenly is almost haunting to me now. Monday evening I got caught up working on the computer for three or four hours. I thought he was unusually quiet and not interrupting me for so long. I would guess he didn’t feel right. Yesterday morning he was not quite himself. I decided to take him in to see Dr. David who did a whole panel of tests and x-rays but found no symptom. He agreed to keep Koko for observation. Only a mommy would know he was in trouble when no test could tell. I stayed in the cage with him for a couple of hours but since Dr. D said he couldn’t find anything ,I went to lunch.

When I came back from lunch Koko was on the operating table for emergency surgery. The receptionist said I caught it in time so he would be all right. Dr. David said he was full of gas and they couldn’t release the gas and had to use a needle to extract it from his stomach. This is when he decided there was some kind of obstruction. I didn’t get the chance to see Koko to tell him not to be scared.

I felt pretty good thinking Koko was getting help although he was old and there was always a risk. Koko had a similar problem and his spleen was surgically removed a couple of years ago. I went to Home Depot and other places to wait and came back when he got out of surgery. Dr. David said his stomach was twisted and the damage was too great that Koko was going to die. Dr. David looked exhausted after the long and difficult four-hour surgery. When I pressed him I was told 50/50 chance. If Koko could make it through forty eight hours he would probably make it. I stayed with him and talked to him while he was unconscious. I told him let’s go for a walk. I told him I would give him a treat. I told him to please fight for his life. His eyes twitched when I told him I loved him. I know he heard me. I petted him to make him feel better. When I remembered he didn’t actually like to be messed with when he had his last surgery, I put my hands over him like in healing touch. I cried and cried and didn’t know where all the tears came from since I hardly ever cry.

At six o’clock I had to leave because everyone was going home. This morning I got there at seventy thirty and I was told he passed away. Dr. David went to check on him at 9:30 pm and he was awake and sitting up so the vet thought he made it through the operation. At 3:00 am Dr. David went back to check and Koko was gone. I only wish I had known David was going at 9:30 pm and I would have had a chance to say goodbye to Koko. I didn’t have a chance to say goodbye. I only wish I would have insisted on staying over night no matter what. Koko is a Hawaiian dog and he doesn’t like to be cold. The place was cold and they didn’t give him a blanket for fear he would suffocate himself if he was groggy. He had never been caged in his whole life and he probably wondered where I was. I only wish I had been there for him and petted him to sleep. I am absolutely sure he knows how much I love him but I just wanted to be there holding him when he goes to heaven. My sister Cheryl has the kindest heart and I told Koko Auntie Cheryl will take care of him in heaven. She will, I swear.

They let me see him so I kept petting and kissing him. For a second I thought he was breathing. It reminded me of when he and Lani were puppies. I watched them when they were asleep and sometimes I would have a moment of panic thinking they stopped breathing. As I was crying for him all of a sudden I was so scared thinking how I was going to go on without him. I gave up when I realized he was maybe an empty shell. The clinic started to fill up so I came home. I have no idea how the day went by. I just know I cried when I saw his bowl, his collar, his table. From the corner of my eye I saw the black tool belt the painter left behind. I threw it in the garbage because I almost thought I saw Koko. It seems he would come around the corner at every turn. I went into the yard and saw where he dug up my flowers to hide his bone. I can take down the fence now that he won’t be running into the street anymore. It is too sad he is not tripping me over anymore. Yesterday I thought I should clean up the dog hair. Today I think I will leave them. He was my closest companion for so many years.

This is a super long story. I am just afraid to get up and go to another room. I will be all right later.  Good night. 11/14/07

Aloha!